What It Feels Like To Be Your Girl

December 15th, 2007 by femme-arsenic

I am waiting for you to need me

Pick me up like how you always do

It feels like I’m temporary to you

I am waiting for you to need me

But I wish it was something more

Something like how everything was before

I am holding on to bits and pieces

Cos it’s easier for me to linger that way

That maybe you’d be back to me someday

Now I’m only here to understand

To give you the support you need

Even if it means forgetting what happiness means.

 

It’s almost Christmas, just a few days more

I’m hoping things will change for the better

Please make me smile, like how you did

Give me back my love, he’s what I need.

Like Shattered Glass

September 12th, 2007 by femme-arsenic

Vacant and transparent

Fragile to the touch

You are like water on me

As rain pours

So do you shatter me

And leave me wanting

To be put back together

You soon slip away

For I have no grasp

And you have no form

But I remember you

In every part of my being

 

How can I expect more

It is what it is

You are who you are

I have to learn

Over’s over

And the finality

Of it all

Brings me tears

As you go

As you

Go

 

To someone moving away

September 11th, 2007 by femme-arsenic

I cannot hide my want
No longer can lips fall silent
To touch your skin with my eyes
Your name ignites the deepest
darkest longings of my soul
And your words burn me
with flames i do not want extinguished.

There is poetry in your stare
How it strips me bare
Of all reason that numbs
And wakes me to desire
nobody but you, nothing but you.

I patiently wait in my dreams
That night would serve me well
to bring you to me
So I may lay in your shadow
And take comfort in your warmth
For my soul is yours
For all eternity.

Strings

September 6th, 2007 by femme-arsenic

You’re my obsession.

A pain that grows inside me

My soul keeps wanting you

Bound by strings of desire

To your fingers

You had me playing your game

Every move I make’s insane

I know you’re watching

Remembering everything

My smile gives me away

You know I want to be with you

I try not to touch you

I shouldn’t let you know too much.

I know you already know

Without me having to say it

You know I’m dying for a taste

Of what your lips would be like

What your skin would be like

Hunger looms over me

And you’re its object

So control me, bind me,

Shelter me in your imagination

I am your puppet

My marionette.

 

 

Playing Headless Barbie

June 20th, 2007 by femme-arsenic

Achy toes… small achy toes…

So far I’m loving my job (my feet complain, but I don’t)

I spent the entire day playing headless barbie… with Kamiseta clothes. Fun. Hahaha I wish I could get my salary na and the discount privilege so I can buy the stuff I want there.

Basically, I mix and match clothes, put them on wall displays, table displays, and mannequins. It’s even like playing house… since the interiors are designed like parts of a house… if only I could sleep on the bed in the store (hahaha bawal yuuuuun… you can get fired).

Yesterday I thought to myself… I’d lose weight carrying mannequins and dressing them up, standing all day, and commuting to and fro different locations. But I think I’m gonna prove myself wrong. Working in the mall makes me see food all the time! Waaaaaaaaaaah! It’s so hard to resist ice cream… (airconditioning is uber cold in some locations… motivates me to keep warm by eating more). CRAP.

So my debummification continues…

Debummified Abi

June 18th, 2007 by femme-arsenic

Starting today, I’m officially a corporate drone (as one of my friends said).

I’ve just been hired. woohoo! hello shopping money! hahaha I should really consider stopping shopping my salary to death. My wallet feels so empty.

Last night I dreamt of Madonna. Weird enough she was licking my hand. Ok… so enough dreaming tonight. Maybe Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt will pop up. Woohoo!

Starting tomorrow, I won’t be online much. Waaaaaah (imaginary tears streaming down my face). My new job won’t have a normal office desk. No ergonomic chairs to play with. And no computers to store chat logs and downloaded stuff in. Yes… it’s sad. But I get to be in the malls every week. Palipat lipat parang butterfly. Oooh and it doesnt hurt that my boss is goodlooking. hahahaha motivational factor daw eh noh?

Tomorrow I should not mention any Bayo jokes. No Kashieca jokes either. I should probably rip the labels off of my Bench stuff… if I wanna wear them at work. Yep… I’m gonna be working for Kamiseta. I won’t have discounts yet until I have stayed there for 3 months I think. They said I’d get 30% off. hahaha that ain’t bad.

I’m still thinking what I should wear tomorrow. My mom never fails to nag me to not wear anything revealing tomorrow… hindi naman revealing shirts ko eh… they just happen to call attention… I hate super loose tops (unstructured ones that make me look fat or manly).

Hay… my lounging around the house days are over. Sob…

Bored Mermaid

June 17th, 2007 by femme-arsenic

I’m bored.

My dinner was a mug half filled with cold milk and almond cluster cereals. I think this is my default meal for the day (other than the "just add milk, butter, and salt mashed potatoes"). Another option is strawberry yogurt.

My family had squid for dinner. I don’t eat seafood (most times… unless I’m in the mood for some fried butterflied bangus, tuna teriyaki, salmon teriyaki, or crabstick). I think I was a mermaid in my past life. This explains why I eat beef most of the time, if not chicken ("Fish are friends… not food"). Which also explains why I don’t know how to swim… must have been a very bad experience for me… being a mermaid and all.

Nobody online is worth bothering right now. Then again, nobody’s really online. I would probably end up reading my friends’ profiles… only the ones that amuse me. I have a thing for funny profiles… mine used to be funny (before all the angst and hate and what nots). hahaha just kidding (well not really)

Sometimes when I’m super bored, I google people I know. It’s really fun… and a total waste of time. But my sundays are slow. Sluggish… a typical bum’s day.

I finally watched the movie ‘Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants’. Nice movie. So they never really washed the pants? Won’t they get like UTI or something? Movie has a nice soundtrack though… I’ll probably find the songs on limewire later this week.

It’s nearly 8 pm. I’m still bored.

Maybe I should google myself… see what comes up. hahahaha

ABI-FREE City on a Friday night

June 15th, 2007 by femme-arsenic

I have this habit of amusing myself by bothering people I’m not supposed to bother cos they have important things to do. Like:

1. people who are fixing business related stuff due the next day… (price lists, payroll, receivables, deliveries, etc)

2. people who are still at the office working late (like say… past 8 pm… better if that’s on a friday)

3. people who are bored at work (I can sniff them out miles away… you can easily tell who they are when they’re online)

4. people who are studying for their law class the next day

5. people who are traveling the next day (sayang ang pasalubong… you’d wanna make sure you’re remembered ALWAYS)

I know I’m doing them a favor. I’m like an overly extended commercial break that just has no distinct message. More like a blur of words rushing to their windows… believe me when I say I type fast. hahahaha

Most of my lines (in chat) are filled with ‘HAHAHA’s. My fingers are automatic that way. Sometimes I’m already pissed or crying at my end (being EMO and all), and my fingers just keep on punching in a mighty dose of HAHAHAs.

I just hate it when I crave to bother specific people who just happen to not be online that time. It’s a nagging feeling that you wanna get over with. Like right now, I could probably name a few people I’d like to buzz over ym, but can’t (two are probably playing poker right now, one is in canada doing business, the other is in a beach some place, and one already popped back in the list -YEY).

By next week… I’ll probably be using dsl… and not this crappy (but FREE and unlimited) dial up. YEEEEEEEY… which means I’ll shift my chat habits to downloading habits… hahahaha I’ll be reunited with YOUTUBE once again! Oooh and FunnyOrDie.com! Oh and P. Diddy’s latest album (press play)… it costs 495 in stores… I’d rather download… hahaha cheapskate.

And yeah… my title for this entry doesn’t seem to have anything to do with what I wrote. But heck IAM at home tonight… so yeah… this is how I am when I’m at home.

The Hidden Message in your Name

June 14th, 2007 by femme-arsenic

The Hidden Message in Your NAME

Margo’s Magical Letter Page

It may be no mystery why your neighbor keeps calling you ‘Elizabeth’,
even though your mailbox says ‘Liz’. But did you ever wonder why your nephew
calls you ‘Bessie’, your office mate calls you ‘Bess’, your mother calls
you Beth, and the other women on the track team just call you ‘Buzz’?

The reason is that the letters of the alphabet actually mean something…
For example, look at the words that start with ’st’. Whether steadfast or
just plain stubborn, they’re almost all really stuck in one place (stop,
stick, stand, stall, stoic, store, stack, still…), unless of course there’s
a raring, rearing, roaring ‘r’ in there who can get your ’st’ ’started’.
This is really true… I kid you not. There’s a whole science called sound
symbolism where stuff-shirt professors study what the letters mean. I should
know… I’m one of them.

So the ‘y’ at the end of ‘Bessie’ is young and energetic, and makes ‘Bessie’
easier to cuddle up with than just plain ‘Bess’. The ’s’ is strong and supportive,
which suggests that your office mate thinks of you that way, and the ‘z’
is the craziest, zaniest, and fastest letter. If they’re calling you ‘Buzz’
on the track team, you’re probably quite a sprinter, no? The ‘b’ at the
beginning usually suggests a strong, outgoing person with a grand sense
of humor and also, I’m sorry to say, something of a temper. But the ‘th’
at the end of ‘Beth’ channels all that energy through a very narrow opening
and tones the name down a whole lot, which I’m sure your mother appreciates.
A ‘Beth’ is an initiator who channels her energy toward a specific goal.
And the ‘l’ in ‘Liz’ is the passive but very powerful feminine force of
water and air.

Do you want know the hidden message in your name? Well, you can learn
something about it by checking out this chart. Were you listening in English
class when they told you about stressed syllables? Yes? Very good. Well,
find the stressed syllable in your name and then analyze it from this chart.
(like the stressed syllable in Elizabeth is the LIZ.) The consonants before
the vowel are sort of like the stage or background for the personality of
your name. The vowels tell you how you tend to go through life, address
issues, solve problems, and the final consonants are the punch line, the
outcome.

Vowels
’short a’
- balanced and flat
‘long a’ - elastic and spread out wide
’short e’ - not a boat-rocker, works hard and connects things together
‘long e’ - a long distance runner, stamina in the face of hardship
’short i’ - moves up-up-up, light and a bit tense
‘long i’ - roomy, oriented toward mind and art
’short o’ - the most fundamental sound, the source and beginning
of all things
‘long o’ - well-rounded, whole, and earthy
’short u’ - plenty of room in ‘u’, thoughtful and relaxed
‘long u’ - goes with the flow, fast moving and rounded

Consonants
‘b’
- Kaboom! ‘b’ is a sudden, powerful beginning, high spirits and
hot tempers.
‘c’ - if pronounced like in ‘Cecilia’, see ’s’. If pronounced like
in ‘Cathy’, see ‘k’.
‘ch’ - I think I can. I think I can… ‘ch’ is a hero, the achiever
of difficult tasks
‘d’ - a door midstream, the letter who decides whether a project
should be shut down, or opened up wide and allowed to happen.
‘f’ - a fountain or foundation. The ‘f’ is funny, fanciful, spontaneous.
It’s the freest floater of the letters.
‘g’ - if pronounced like in ‘Gillian’, see ‘j’, if pronounced like
‘Gail’, it is the giver and receiver of gifts. ‘g’s the most generous and
also (watch out) the most greedy of the letters. It’s very good-hearted,
but it can get pretty grumpy on the off-days. And ‘g’ has a mysterious hidden
source of wealth and wisdom. It’s like mother earth where the garden grows.
‘h’ - the home where things belong. ‘h’ is a kind of force that looks
over your shoulder like a parent and either knows how to help you out or
(need I mention it?) really cramps your style.
‘j’ - the edge on which things only fit in single file, and if you
don’t watch it, you fall… well… real far… ‘j’ is the sound of the
‘judge’, the leader, the one who guides others through the troubles that
(have you noticed?) tend to pop up from time to time.
‘k’ - a room where some things are allowed in or even captured, and
where other things are definitely not cool. The ‘k’ is in the know and keeps
its secrets. It’s the most caring and intimate of letters, but when it’s
not careful, ‘k’ gets snobby and cuts people off.
‘l’ - like light, air and water that take up space but have no specific
shape. ‘l’ is more passive and feminine, light and lovely than ‘r’ or ‘b’,
but it does definitely have a mysterious force of its own that gets its
way by going with the flow.
‘m’ - the maker: ‘m’ is the mother, and also magician and master
of skills.
‘n’ - ‘n’ is like a line that gets closer and closer on to something.
It’s subtle, thoughtful, wise and noble.
‘ng’ - long, stretchy and musical. It gathers things up into itself.
‘p’ - a very specific point at which things are placed and from which
they are pulled away. The ‘p’ is a problem solver, precise and particular.
‘p’ likes everything to be out in the open, no secrets here.
‘qu’ - See ‘k’ plus ‘w’… ‘qu’ is a seeker after truth, the curious,
willful explorer of all the possible paths
‘r’ - Roar! - ‘r’ is really a handful. It has no direction of its
own, and it’s all the other letters can do to handle it. If they don’t succeed,
‘r’ becomes the rabble rouser that brings down the house. If they do, there’s
no other letter that has so much energy to make things happen.
’s’ - the life force which reinforces what is already there. It’s
often suave, sexy, strong and flexible. Unlike ‘r’, it looks very intelligently
before it leaps. But like ‘r’ it’s also very strong, if not so destructive.
Still, it can slowly crush something it doesn’t like, or it can stand firm
and hold the world on its shoulders.
’sh’ - is a shield that’s hard to get through. It can either hold
everybody away or protect something that needs to be cared for. ’sh’ can
also be broken, and when that happens, it realistically shrugs it all off
and moves on.
‘t’ - Temptation. ‘t’ is the letter of the dreamer, the designer
of grand schemes, the traveller| who follows her star
‘th’ - a perilous path, that can be both thrilling and terrifying.
Either way, you’ve learned something.
‘v’ - very, smooth, vibrating energy. ‘v’ tends to avoid things,
but if caught, it becomes the faithful servant, not the master.
‘w’ - the will, water, waves, and states other than the here and
now - the future the past, the ‘what if”? ‘w’ is the sound of the mature
woman (not man), who knows what she wants and (for better or for worse!)
knows how to get it.
‘y’ - Sure! I’m game! - ‘y’ is naive, trusting, energetic, and expansive
‘z’ - Zoom, a line along which you zip very fast and which begins
or ends in who knows?

Source: http://www.conknet.com/~mmagnus/Names.html

I think it’s partly true… hahaha

I hate it when people just can’t seem to spell my name right. I tell them it’s Abi, and they usually wanna spell it as Aby, Abby, Abbie, Abie, (sometimes as a typo error it’s…) Abu. But really… it’s A-B-I. How hard can that be?

A (short a): balanced and flat

B: Kaboom! ‘b’ is a sudden, powerful beginning, high spirits and
hot tempers. (Yeah I agree with the high spirits and hot tempers part…)

I:  moves up-up-up, light and a bit tense (hmmm I’ve been told that I’m like this the past few days…)

Chat Yada Yada Yada

June 14th, 2007 by femme-arsenic

I dread catching the glimpse of a picture of Madamme Auring in a bathing suit. It’s worse when she’s in a two piece… posing by a pole. But I doubt one of my chat friends ever considered censoring a picture such as the one mentioned, as that is his staple avatar pic in YM. So every time I see his name on my list while I’m scrolling down to find someone to bother, I move my arrow pointer as far away as possible so as to lessen my chances of being visually traumatized. At times, I fail in my mission.

Before, this friend of mine used an equally gross picture. It was of a very fat guy, reminiscent of the Michelin mascot, with all the fat flaps, crevices (one will not see but imagine) and folds imaginable on a human body (if you still dare call it human). The guy was on a bed, posing sidewards facing the camera… smiling. (shudders) Feed the guy an apple and he’ll be ready to give you a chance to have triple bypass surgery.

I don’t know what my friend was thinking when he used these pics for avatars. He looks nothing like them. I’d rather not imagine him having a thing for them either (or the three of them together in a room…). Que Horror.